The holiday season can bring a happy, cozy time full of togetherness. But for some people, it’s the opposite. Stress rises. Anxiety creeps in. Some folks feel emotionally exhausted or experience a wave of sadness. Even positive events like big family dinners, parties, and days off can feel like a lot when you pile on all the expectations.
Maybe you’re dealing with tricky family relationships. Money feels tight. Routines get thrown out the window. Things get loud and crowded. You might be missing someone. If you’re feeling stretched thin or emotionally drained at this time of year, you’re definitely not the only one.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) offer practical, evidence-based tools to manage spiralling thoughts and intense emotions that the holidays can trigger. In this article, our team at Wise Mind Centre walks you through realistic, compassionate strategies you can use immediately, not to make everything perfect, but to help you feel a little steadier and supported, right now.
How Holiday Stress Affects Thoughts, Emotions, and the Nervous System
Stress impacts us across multiple levels: our minds, emotions, and bodies. Our thoughts get more critical or anxious. We start seeing things in a negative light, expecting the worst, or falling into old habits of guilt or people-pleasing.
Emotionally, stress can increase our feelings of frustration, sadness, irritability, or shame. Physically, our bodies can jump into fight-or-flight: tense muscles, feeling wiped out, trouble focusing.
CBT and DBT help us understand these responses. CBT helps you notice the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, so you can spot what’s not helping and gently shift it. DBT supports emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and healthier communication, especially when emotions run high.
CBT Skills for Holiday Stress
Here are some CBT skills that can help you manage holiday stress.
Catch Unhelpful Holiday Thoughts
During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught in discouraging thinking patterns:
- “I should enjoy all of this.”
- “I’m letting everyone down.”
- “This always turns into a mess or ends badly.”
CBT calls these “cognitive distortions.” These are habits of thinking that can make you feel like your stress is heavier than it actually is. Some common ones include:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “If dinner isn’t perfect, everyone will be disappointed.”
- Mind reading: “My family must think I’m being difficult.”
- ‘Should’ statements: “I should be happier.”
- Catastrophizing: “If I say no, they’ll be upset with me forever.”
The first step is to notice when these patterns show up. When you name the distortion (“This feels like all-or-nothing thinking”), you give yourself space to respond differently.
Reframe Thoughts (Gentle Reality-Checking)
CBT doesn’t force you to “think positively.” Instead, it helps you see things with more balance, clarity and compassion. Try asking yourself:
- Is this thought 100% true?
- What proof do I have that supports or challenges it?
- If a friend felt this way, what would I say to them?
- Is there a more realistic or balanced way to look at this situation?
For Example:
Unhelpful thought: “I’m ruining the holiday because I’m overwhelmed.”
Balanced reframe: “I’m doing my best in a stressful moment. Taking breaks and setting limits keeps me grounded. It doesn’t ruin anything.”
Adopt Behavioural Strategies
CBT also focuses on behaviour because what we do strongly affects how we feel. Small changes can reduce stress and help you feel more balanced through all the holiday chaos:
- Schedule recovery time: Give yourself a little break before and after gatherings so your nervous system can recharge.
- Redefine “good enough”: Forget perfection. Aim for connection, rest, and being real.
- Try a grounding activity: A short walk, a warm drink, light exposure, breathwork, journalling, or maintaining a simple routine can help regulate mood.
DBT Skills for Holiday Stress
Here are some DBT strategies to help you manage big emotions and tricky family situations:
Being Mindful of Current Emotions
The holidays often bring a mix of feelings, joy and grief, excitement and resentment, love and exhaustion. In DBT, identifying your emotions is a core regulation skill. Naming what you feel can make it easier to handle tough emotions or increase awareness of welcomed emotions. Try pausing and saying to yourself: “I’m noticing grief and frustration right now” or “I’m noticing love and connection right now.”
If you cannot identify the emotions, practice mindfulness of current emotions. Notice where the emotions show up in your body. Imagine surfing your emotions as waves, coming and going.
Remind yourself that no emotion lasts forever and that you are not your emotions. So you don’t need to act on your emotions, especially actions that do not align with your values and long term goals.
Practice Distress Tolerance Skills for High-Stress Moments
When emotions become intense, DBT offers grounding tools and skills to help you get through the distressing moment.
- Changing body temperature: Tip the temperature by putting your face in a bowl of really cold water.
- Sensory self-soothing: Smell something comforting, touch a soft blanket, listen to calm music, taste something familiar, or look at a beautiful landscape.
- Distract: Fully bring your attention to an activity that could temporarily take your mind off the difficult situation. Try an activity like watching a show, or cleaning your room. Or try doing something nice for someone.
These skills don’t “fix” the situation, but they help regulate your nervous system so you are less likely to act on impulses that could make your stress, anxiety, or the situation worse.
Practice being firm and clear about your
Holidays often come with boundary challenges. For instance, pressure to show up, host, spend beyond your budget, or interact with difficult family members. Clear communication protects your mental health and makes space for authentic connections without overextending yourself. DBT gives you a few ways to handle this:
- Be clear and calm. “I won’t be able to stay the night, but I’d love to join for dinner.”
- Say no without over-explaining. A simple, polite “no” is enough.
- Expect guilt, and manage it gently. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing. Observe guilt and make decisions aligned with your personal values and goals.
The holidays can bring up memories of trauma, grief for people we’ve lost, or old family wounds that never really healed. If you are feeling extra sensitive or overwhelmed, it may be time to reconsider which events and/or traditions you participate in. It’s perfectly okay to skip things that drain you, take more time to rest, or try out new rituals that actually feel good and supportive.
As the end of the year approaches, you may notice many people sharing their accomplishments from 2025. If all you did this year was survive, that’s enough. Getting through tough times speaks volumes about your strength and resilience.
How Therapy Can Make a Difference
CBT and DBT skills are powerful, but sometimes holiday stress touches deeper patterns that are hard to manage alone. Therapy can help you:
- Develop long-term coping strategies.
- Understand how past experiences affect your current stress.
- Improve emotional regulation and communication skills.
- Create a personalized plan to manage holiday triggers.
If you’d like support to help you through the season or want guidance on which therapy approach might help, the clinicians at Wise Mind Centre are here to help.
Book a free 15-minute consultation or your first appointment today.
The holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful, and you deserve care, gentleness, and space to breathe.
References
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Chapman, A. L. (2006). Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Current Indications and Unique Elements. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 3(9), 62–68. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2963469/
Cleveland Clinic. (2022). Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Cleveland Clinic; Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt
Grinspoon, P. (2022, May 4). How to recognize and tame your cognitive distortions. Harvard Health; Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-recognize-and-tame-your-cognitive-distortions-202205042738
Nakao, M., Shirotsuki, K., & Sugaya, N. (2021). Cognitive–behavioral Therapy for Management of Mental Health and stress-related disorders: Recent Advances in Techniques and Technologies. BioPsychoSocial Medicine, 15(1), 16. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13030-021-00219-w
Now Matters Now. (2025). Grounding Skills — Now Matters Now. Nowmattersnow.org. https://nowmattersnow.org/skill/grounding-skills/
Pietrangelo, A. (2019, December 12). CBT Techniques: Tools for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/cbt-techniques#types-of-cbt-techniques